Beryl Joffre (the pHANTASY pHARMACIST)


Hey there! Welcome back to the Phantasy Pharmacy. Made a few off-season moves, did we? Well as usual, you may not quite know what you got yourself into with these new prescriptions. So, we should discuss some of the possible side effects that you may experience while using these players in your lineups. I know you are super thrilled with how little you paid for some of them, and you may have even used a coupon or two to get a good deal, but it’s important to be familiar with all your medications. Be sure to use them appropriately or you may get a burning sensation instead of that warm fuzzy feeling.

RX#: RB22/26/28/31

Drug Names:
Matt Breida /
Tevin Coleman /
Jerick McKinnon /
Raheem Mostert

(Brand Name: 49ers Backfield)

Talk about a lot of options! This backfield has a lot of really similar generic options. Some (if not all) of the tablets are broken, and all of these options are pretty mediocre compared to other running backs on the market. Sure, from time to time you may get good results from one or more of these guys, but you are more likely to get yourself a clogged bench spot.

A clogged bench spot can be a tricky problem to solve. You spent too much on the pills to just throw them away, but if you take them you’ll probably just get gas. And good luck getting someone to buy any of these pills on the street. The users on the street have been burned by most of them on more than one occasion. We all love a Shanahan running back, but my suggestion if you have to draft one of these broken pills is to get the cheapest option and hope for a good outcome.

RX#: WR19

Drug Name: Amari Cooper

So this particular manufacturer got bought out by a much bigger company and they have launched a pretty concerted ad campaign to rebrand this drug. Amari moved from the Raiders to the Cowboys and seems to have picked a brand new shine to his marketing. However, if we know anything about Big Pharma it’s that they love to spin old busted product into gold by repackaging it: same drug, different bottle, same result.

Amari Cooper went from untouchable fantasy joke in Oakland to must have WR commodity in Dallas and I just can’t see why. He is still the same player and his effects still come with the same inconsistency. Warning: player may produce bi-polar fantasy weeks on a recurring basis. His biggest downfall in Oakland was that he produced fantasy numbers consistent with being a WR3 or worse roughly 2/3 of the time. Well low and behold, in Dallas he performed as a WR3 or worse roughly 2/3 of the time. Ten or more of the wide receivers going after Amari in drafts average that same occurence in the 40% range. Why pay more for more volatility? Yes the spikes were higher and the overall numbers looked better, but be warned of clinical trials that use a small sample size as their basis for effectiveness.

I would treat Amari like a medication that can spike at any moment and bottom out the rest of the time. You need to balance him out with a solid floor player. Might I interest you in a nice Julian Edelman?

RX#: QB10

Drug Name: Jimmy Garoppolo

(Brand Name: The Handsome One)

Oh what a beautiful medication. The packaging is high end, the tablets are aesthetically pleasing and seem to be easy to swallow. But to be honest, we haven’t really done much research overall on this medication. Sure it has some great early results in the 2017 trials but that was in a control where the patients were pretty much dead.

In 2018 his entire trial was pretty cancelled before it started. So most of the projections on this one are based on a small trial sample and they don’t really show the most groundbreaking results when you examine it more closely. Just in his time with the 49ers over 8 games started he threw 11 touchdowns to 8 interceptions. His time with New England was not necessarily any more impressive, though he wasn’t really given much opportunity. Throw in his major injury last season and we have added concern for his production, especially early on in the season.

All in all, while he has been projected as a solid fantasy option at QB for this coming season, there are plenty of causes for concern. Sometimes it’s just better to buy an old generic option than the shiny new (and untested) brand name one.

Thanks for stopping by the Phantasy Pharmacy. I hope you found everything you were looking for. Remember to swallow your pills no matter how bitter they are. You brought this on yourself.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may also like